Wednesday, February 14, 2007
sigh*...
I have an empty feeling in my heart... Didn't have it till today...
I had a great morning... I wasn't even thinking about Valentine's Day much.
Then during Lessons... My friends asked me if I had a date...
"Tuck Wai, you got a date?"...
"No, I have someone in mind"...
"C'mon man! Dun be a pussy!"
"I dunno..."
After a few minutes, I sent a message to "her"...
"Will you be my valentine?" was all it contained... yet it held so much meaning, so much power...
1 hour passed by... Still nothing...
2 hours passed by... Still nothing...
3 hours passed by... Still nothing...
"ZZZZ!" my handphone buzzed! I whipped it out in sheer excitement, but to my disappointment, it was a message from Singtel.
4 hours passed by... Still nothing from "her"...
5 hours passed by... It was time to go home...
I started to walk home, alone... deciding to avoid my friends. I didn't want them to know much hurt I felt inside me, how much pain I felt in my heart. My heart yearned for the message to come... If it was a "yes" then I would be the happiest man on Earth, if it was a "no", I would be sad but I would be motivated to try for next year... But... No reply came... My heart was left hanging by a thin thread of hope, waiting to be pulled up or dropped into the depths of oblivion... Then pain was unbearable, I could feel it comsume my entire spirit, my soul... my very life force was leaving me...
In the MRT I observe couples talking to each other, girls laughing... giggling... it almost kills me...
The MRT train reached the stop and i got off... I got a call! I took out my phone and checked who was calling... It was my grandmother... she told me i had to walk home by MYSELF. I walked home slowly... "Cry Me a River" played on my walkman... It was raining slightly, rain drops hit my cheeks and slid off my contorted face... Leaves were falling all around me of all different colors... A warm tear slid down my cheek... I could tell it was a tear, it was warm not like all the other cold raindrops...
As I arrived home, no one greeted me... the door was left open and I went up to my room. I shut the door slowly, thinking about what I had done... It was about 5pm... I looked at my computer, turned it on and then tried to hack into it... It didn't work... I sighed... walked up to the wall and banged my head. Once, twice, thrice... No pain... All I could feel was the pain inside... I fell slently onto my bed and cried myself to sleep...
Labels: Love
